Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
