with your own penis?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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