If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
