I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
