it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
