I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
