I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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