remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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