ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
