Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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