I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
