What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
