Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
