No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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