you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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