dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
