even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
