honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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