Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
