problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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