You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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