Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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