thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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