I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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