I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
