The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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