Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
