I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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