I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
