Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this boner is exhausting
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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