i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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