Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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