I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
