she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
