Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
