If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
