but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
