Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
