And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
