Got a toothbrush?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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