Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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