ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
