nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
