wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
