hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
