and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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