Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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