New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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