there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
