I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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