You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
