Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
