I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
