I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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