the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
