Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
