Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
