do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
