Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
