my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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