I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
