I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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