Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You can't just leave with hair like that
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
